With the election tomorrow, I keep remembering the 2008 campaign, and inevitably, my darling mother. She's never far from me in heart and thought, but sometimes, a little extra beam of Bumma comes through. On election eve, I thought I'd re-share this one from the last presidential election with you.
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As
election day approaches, I get a little twitchy, Not just because the
fate of the country seems to be a crap-shot, but because I think I am
reliving Bumma's spectacular performance on Election Day 2006,
when she gave a good imitation of standing in the check-out line of
life. So, this year, to avoid the strain on my heart, I again offered
to get her an absentee ballot. Again, she declined.
A few days ago, after checking in on her and seeing that she was watching a story on CNN about how crowded the polls are expected to be on November 4, and how record numbers of people were voting early, I offered to take her to the South Carolina State Election Commission's local office, where she could vote early. We planned to go early this morning, to beat any possible crowd that might accumulate.
This morning, I made her oatmeal and checked what time she would be ready. "As soon as I get dressed," she replied. I trotted off to brush my teeth, grab a book (don't feign surprise-- Insincerity isn't flattering) and help her down to the car.
But bumma was in her fluffly pink robe, curled up in her chair watching TV.
"Ummm...bumma? You still wanna go vote today?"
"Yes, my dear. We can go as soon as I'm dressed."
"Okay, " I say, highly confused.
I sit down in the living room and wait. And wait. And wait. 20 minutes later, I peek into bumma's room. She's still in her fluffy pink robe, only now she's curled up like a little shrimp in her bed. Clearly, I have misunderstood something.
So, I go upstairs and pay a few bills, write a book review or two, and wander downstairs. There is bumma, fully dressed, waiting in the living room.
"It's about time you're ready," she says when she sees me.
"Sorry. I got confused when I looked in your room and saw you curled under the covers."
"I love my bed," she tells me, and grins.
Down to the car and off we go. The place, when we get there, is pretty mobbed. But I secure a seat for bumma and I stand in first one line to register, then one to check in at the polling place, and then a third to actually get to vote. She sits patiently while I do the lines. The wait was made better by the group of folks around me -- we all had that sinking ship camaraderie, and had a great time discussing the whole election season. At one point, a poll worker handed us a sheet which had the various amendments on it. It became clear that at least 4 of the 7 of us misread the first amendment. It reads as follows:
There was a explanation which only confused some. It pointed out the state legislature currently has the age of consent set at sixteen for most cases. The problem, it seemed, was that some folks weren't understanding that the legislature and the constitution were not one in the same. They were thinking that the amendment was to drop the age of consent from 16 (horrors enough) to (shudder, gasp) 14. Not so. The amendment is to take the age of consent out of the constitution and let the state legislature set the age of consent, hopefully higher, not lower. (After all, many of them are Daddys with shot-guns.)
When I realized that lots of people were misreading this, I thought it best to let bumma take a look at the sheet ahead of time. She didn't have her reading glasses with her and asked me to read it to her. So, in a very crowded, very noisy room, I begin to read to my deaf mother.
Me (as quietly as possible, but still loud enough that she hopefully hears me): Must Section 33, Article III of the Constitution of this state be amended so as to delete the provision that no unmarried woman shall legally consent to sexual intercourse
Bumma: Did you say sexual intercourse?
Me (did I mention the room was crowded?): Yes
Bumma: Intercourse? Sexual? They're voting on it?
Me (crowded as in lots of people?): Let me finish the statement
Bumma: There's more to sexual intercourse that I don't know?
Me (ignoring that one totally. I don't want to go there.): Must Section 33, Article III of the Constitution of this state be amended so as to delete the provision that no unmarried woman shall legally consent to sexual intercourse who shall not have attained the age of fourteen years
Bumma: Did you say 14 years old? They're babies? What do they know from sex? They want 14 year olds to have sexual intercourse?
Me: No bumma, the amendment is to change the age of consent to something else, something higher.
Bumma: Oh, good. What?
Me: Probably 16.
Bumma: 16??? I was 16 when I met your father and we didn't have sexual intercourse.
Me (really not wanting to go there, either.) That's the amendment bumma. Vote yes if you want to let the legislature change it, or no if you want to leave the section of the Constitution in place.
Bumma: Though he did have a lovely hairy chest. Did I ever tell you--
Me (interrupting because I REALLY don't want to go there): There are two other amendments bumma. do you want to hear them?
Bumma: Is there sexual intercourse involved in them, too?
Anyhow, we made it through. Bumma voted. As we walked out to the car, she turned to me and said, "I hope Obama wins." She walked a few steps and turned back to me again. "And next year," she said, "I think I'll apply for an absentee ballot."
Obumma. You are something else.
A few days ago, after checking in on her and seeing that she was watching a story on CNN about how crowded the polls are expected to be on November 4, and how record numbers of people were voting early, I offered to take her to the South Carolina State Election Commission's local office, where she could vote early. We planned to go early this morning, to beat any possible crowd that might accumulate.
This morning, I made her oatmeal and checked what time she would be ready. "As soon as I get dressed," she replied. I trotted off to brush my teeth, grab a book (don't feign surprise-- Insincerity isn't flattering) and help her down to the car.
But bumma was in her fluffly pink robe, curled up in her chair watching TV.
"Ummm...bumma? You still wanna go vote today?"
"Yes, my dear. We can go as soon as I'm dressed."
"Okay, " I say, highly confused.
I sit down in the living room and wait. And wait. And wait. 20 minutes later, I peek into bumma's room. She's still in her fluffy pink robe, only now she's curled up like a little shrimp in her bed. Clearly, I have misunderstood something.
So, I go upstairs and pay a few bills, write a book review or two, and wander downstairs. There is bumma, fully dressed, waiting in the living room.
"It's about time you're ready," she says when she sees me.
"Sorry. I got confused when I looked in your room and saw you curled under the covers."
"I love my bed," she tells me, and grins.
Down to the car and off we go. The place, when we get there, is pretty mobbed. But I secure a seat for bumma and I stand in first one line to register, then one to check in at the polling place, and then a third to actually get to vote. She sits patiently while I do the lines. The wait was made better by the group of folks around me -- we all had that sinking ship camaraderie, and had a great time discussing the whole election season. At one point, a poll worker handed us a sheet which had the various amendments on it. It became clear that at least 4 of the 7 of us misread the first amendment. It reads as follows:
Must Section 33, Article III of the Constitution of this state be amended so as to delete the provision that no unmarried woman shall legally consent to sexual intercourse who shall not have attained the age of fourteen years
There was a explanation which only confused some. It pointed out the state legislature currently has the age of consent set at sixteen for most cases. The problem, it seemed, was that some folks weren't understanding that the legislature and the constitution were not one in the same. They were thinking that the amendment was to drop the age of consent from 16 (horrors enough) to (shudder, gasp) 14. Not so. The amendment is to take the age of consent out of the constitution and let the state legislature set the age of consent, hopefully higher, not lower. (After all, many of them are Daddys with shot-guns.)
When I realized that lots of people were misreading this, I thought it best to let bumma take a look at the sheet ahead of time. She didn't have her reading glasses with her and asked me to read it to her. So, in a very crowded, very noisy room, I begin to read to my deaf mother.
Me (as quietly as possible, but still loud enough that she hopefully hears me): Must Section 33, Article III of the Constitution of this state be amended so as to delete the provision that no unmarried woman shall legally consent to sexual intercourse
Bumma: Did you say sexual intercourse?
Me (did I mention the room was crowded?): Yes
Bumma: Intercourse? Sexual? They're voting on it?
Me (crowded as in lots of people?): Let me finish the statement
Bumma: There's more to sexual intercourse that I don't know?
Me (ignoring that one totally. I don't want to go there.): Must Section 33, Article III of the Constitution of this state be amended so as to delete the provision that no unmarried woman shall legally consent to sexual intercourse who shall not have attained the age of fourteen years
Bumma: Did you say 14 years old? They're babies? What do they know from sex? They want 14 year olds to have sexual intercourse?
Me: No bumma, the amendment is to change the age of consent to something else, something higher.
Bumma: Oh, good. What?
Me: Probably 16.
Bumma: 16??? I was 16 when I met your father and we didn't have sexual intercourse.
Me (really not wanting to go there, either.) That's the amendment bumma. Vote yes if you want to let the legislature change it, or no if you want to leave the section of the Constitution in place.
Bumma: Though he did have a lovely hairy chest. Did I ever tell you--
Me (interrupting because I REALLY don't want to go there): There are two other amendments bumma. do you want to hear them?
Bumma: Is there sexual intercourse involved in them, too?
Anyhow, we made it through. Bumma voted. As we walked out to the car, she turned to me and said, "I hope Obama wins." She walked a few steps and turned back to me again. "And next year," she said, "I think I'll apply for an absentee ballot."
Obumma. You are something else.
What a wonderfully warm and funny memory!
ReplyDeleteYour Mother was truly a gem.
Thanks for sharing.
I laughed out loud. Thank you, my friend!
ReplyDeleteMoem
Thank you both. I got chided by someone for reposting bumma stories. "We read them once, already." Which is why I always say it's a repost. She's such a part of my life still. Thank you for your thanks.
ReplyDelete